TIME OUTS

Perhaps you feel you have tried just about everything and still you have been unable to find something that works when your young son or daughter is misbehaving.  Trying to find any one thing that works can be a challenge.  No matter what you may choose, there are things to remember.  Here are a few of those things to keep in mind.  Try to remember that you are not just raising a child; you are raising a child to be an adult.  They won't always be five years old.   Every time you are enforcing a rule or disciplining your child, you have an opportunity to teach them. Discipline should not be used to humiliate or for you to claim victory over your child.  As James Baldwin once said, "Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them".  Every thing you do including how you discipline your children is modeling behavior for them.  For example, if you are one to yell, do not be surprised when your children yell back at you.  One of the most common consequences used to modify behavior has been the use of Time Outs.  Some parents report that this does not work with their child; however larger numbers are wiling to share their success stories.  Like anything else, the success or failure of Time Out (or any form of discipline) is dependent on its implementation and follow through.  Let's be honest. Children are smart and they know exactly how to push your buttons.  Being consistent in your responses to your child and using Time Outs will be the key to success.  Always get at eye level when communicating with your child. Towering over them only shows how much bigger and intimidating you are.  Look them in the eye and talk calmly with them.  Speak in a normal, but firm voice.  Children need to be able to distinguish between your playful "let's have fun" voice and your serious  "I need you to listen to me" voice.  Even if your child is crying and/or yelling, maintain this voice.  If they get louder, instead of getting loud with them, get softer so that they have to get quieter to hear you.  This will take practice and patience as it is human nature to get loud with those who are loud with us, especially if you were raised with parents who were loud with you.  When placing your child in Time Out, explain the reason.  It may seem obvious based on whatever behavior has just occurred, but do not leave it unsaid.. Time Outs should occur in a place other than your child's room.  If possible, a room without windows, TV, stereo, video games or phone.   There should be as little stimulus as possible in assisting them in getting calm and having time to process why they are in Time Out.  Use an egg timer or other device to be as precise as possible.  Four minutes may not seem long to you, but to a small child, it will seem like a very long time.  Let them know that their time out does not start until they have stopped yelling and remained where you have placed them for their Time Out. Make sure your child is within ear shot of our timer whether it be an egg timer or microwave oven.  They need to know they will be able to hear it when their time is up. Do not interact or argue with your child while they are in Time Out.  If they are continuing to yell, quietly and calmly remind them that the Time Out does not start until they stop yelling.  If they continue to leave the area you have placed them in, patiently put them back in Time Out.  They may initially try your patience.  Consistency will be important and it will pay off.  Children are quick learners.  If you are consistent nine out of ten times in placing them back in Time Out, but a tenth time lose patience and give up, they will remember this and continue to test you every time.  You must remain calm and stay with it; letting them know that you are going to follow through each and every time.  Once your child has completed their Time Out, sit and talk with them about what it was that got them in Time Out.  Ask them what they could do differently.  Before leaving Time Out, have them apologize for the behavior that got them in Time Out.  If the behavior included a third party i.e. a sibling or playmate, have them apologize to that person.

~Tammy VanBaalen-Creator of MY SAFE SPACE TIME OUT BLANKET~ 2005